btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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