Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
