Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
