You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
