Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
