u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
