party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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