dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
