So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
