i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
