She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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