my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
