Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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