So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
