Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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