so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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