A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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