i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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