I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
