i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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