Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
