bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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