My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
