Screwed.edu
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
