i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just got carded by a ten year old.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
