....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize