this beer tastes like vomit already
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
