; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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