Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
