Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
