Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
