News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
