Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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