God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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