it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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