So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Let's paint friendship bongs
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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