That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
