Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
