You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
