I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she peed on how many people?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
