Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
