If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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