i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
