Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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