I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
