Girls should come with a carfax report
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
