Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No subtext here. People are naked.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
