This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He shit in the fireplace
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
