Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
