Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize