Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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