SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just puked most of my soul out..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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