I think im going to throw up on grandma
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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