And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
