This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
