There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
