I'm sorry my penis didn't work
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
