A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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