Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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