My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The feeling are messing with the penis
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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