i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
