Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
