Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize