Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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