dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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