I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
