Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
