Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
